concrete

bro nothings fun anymore recently. schools about to start again i have the hardest courses ever, math, sci, comp sci and english all in one semester. idk how im gonna do it but ill try. im so fucking depressed recently but ain't nobody know. just sitting in my room wanting to make music but i just cant and listening to earl and loathing in nothing. i wanna go skate but i cant its like everything is made of concrete and its all gray and empty bro. i feel fake i feel drained as fuck. well at least i can make good music like my friend said lmao. "pain brings good art".  idk. even if i try to make music or express myself i cant. its like its something blocking me from actually fucking telling my truth. i just cant express myself bro. im not free. its like i look all happy when me and my homies go skate and online but when im alone im gone. im so gone nothing hits the same no more. that's why i can at least go resonate with skating. whenever i commit to something or fall hard i feel it and i get an adrenaline rush. idgaf if im bruised up or have scratches all over me at least i felt something in this gray ass planet. im not lonely i have friends yet i feel so isolated. i cant tell anyone because then i get scared that they'll judge me and wont talk to me anymore. such an irrational fear i have yet feels so real.

i feel like i walk on money and everyone just acts nice

people do nice things so they feel good

we are such a selfish species

friends are bothering each other over a few bucks and buying each other shit like "ohhh u owe me this" or whatever

im not even creative am i im just a fucking liar arent i. I make shit that doesn't end up even living up to anything

cant say nothing about how i feel or else i just get fucking dismissed as "you are being an emo little faggot" or if it is genuine care it feels like that wont even help

I feel like i have these glasses on from this movie 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI8AMRbqY6w

steez was right he saw every little fucked thing in this world and no one would listen

i know how he feel

fuck gracious

fuck all of this.